I began my first career, as a pastry espionage agent, at an early age. Yes, I smuggled samples of flour and melted chocolate; yes, I shamelessly videotaped the baking of bread; yes, I stole the cookie from the cookie jar. No, this never bothered my conscience one bit. But occasionally I found myself in a hard place – forced to rub out an éclair or two. The scream of custard shooting from beneath my shoe: that’s what I regret.

Later on I taught myself Tai Zhi: a martial art that's performed worldwide, with a typewriter or keyboard serving as your usual sparring partner. It's a core discipline that you're only allowed the use of two fingers - making it particularly challenging - but I took an interest in grade school, and I've practiced nearly every day since then. I won my black belt after an unusually intense match with my teacher and master at the time, a Dell SK-8115.

One day, I intend to learn how to play the piano in Spanish, and make an indelible contribution to Spanish pianism.